Overachievers vs. Slackers

Overachievers need to get a life. Every year they appear in my classes, and I’m fed up. With these people, the rest of us slackers don’t have a chance. Overachievers, compulsive perfectionists, come in all personalities and all of them are dangerous.

Overachievers aren’t normal. They don’t know how to really relax; the thing slackers are best at. For them, relaxing is practicing the cello so they can somehow surpass first chair, even though they already are first chair. They say things like “Don’t we have any homework tonight, Mrs. So-and-so?” Slackers never say that. Slackers think their day is much brighter if the teacher forgets to assign homework.

Overachievers make me tired. They have enough room in their brains to memorize Mozart. They’re always learning new things and setting the curve on tests and quizzes. I like to be the one who studies five minutes before class and still earns a decent grade because I had better things to do the night before, like watch the season premiere of Beauty and the Geek.

Slackers may not work all the time, but they’re certainly a lot calmer than the pressured and the burdened. Overachievers turn panicky, grouchy, and distressed at a young age because they never really have the chance to let go and be a kid. Overachievers don’t like to bend the rules because they are easily intimidated. They are efficient and structured, like closet organizers. They go for efficiency in all aspects of their lives while slackers let things stay messy and scattered and abrupt, the way life actually is.

Slackers, the true friends, value human relationships, something overachievers can never get out of their SAT-Prep books. While overachievers rush to the library to read the encyclopedia, slackers decide to take a detour to Starbucks after a long six period day. While enjoying the company of their fellow slackers, overachievers are wasting away under fluorescent library lights. One overachiever I know once suggested that we have a study group that met every afternoon for a week before a test. My three slacker friends and I agreed, figuring studying with an overachiever was the way to go. After studying all week, the day before the test we decided not to meet in order to go sledding. My overachieving friend was aghast at our lack of dedication and refused to go, burying herself in studying for the test. The next day, sure enough, she received the highest grade in the class but as for the rest of us, we still obtained B’s. But we had one of the best times I have ever known, involving the type of laughter where you fall out of your chair with tears rolling down your cheeks.

Slackers will have your back when you forget about last night’s homework. They will be there when you win the city pie-eating contest. They will tell you that it’s okay and there is more to life than a 4.0 GPA. They will come over to your house so that they can curse at the television with you when your favorite singer loses American Idol. Slackers will champion the world one day.